Am I supposed to wish for something? What am I supposed to wish for? For you to have a happy life? For me to get over you? Or maybe for once, for you to finally realize and chase back at me? I sat on my bed having headphones tucked in my ears, playing songs that you showed me, that we used to listen to in the car. Every second ticking away. 11:12 PM, I wished for nothing. I guess I don’t know what I want anymore. I feel so lost and lonely in this dark cold room. Should I wonder where you’re at? Should I keep on wondering if maybe one day, you’ll appear in front of me again? Or am I in denial? Still waiting for you to call me at 10:30 every night? Why do tears constantly find its way to run down my face, telling me every second how miserable I am. Nine months almost 10, the one that I loved the most, the one that made me change from a cheater to being faithful, the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I miss you, every second of the day. It’s okay, I know, like you said, we shouldn’t be together. I’m trying, trying my very best to move on and forget about you. I said I hope you’re happy, but both of us know deep inside you’re as miserable as I am. I know you’ll forget about me eventually though. I’m slowly preparing myself to get ready to see you moving on, seeing another girl, a girl who is better than me. Who can provide you so much better and support your decisions. But, I love nobody, but you.
I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m even creeping myself out. I first go off on him unusually. And now, I lay my hands on him… This past month, I have done things that even amazed myself. I’m starting to let anger take over me and loose cool. I need meditation.
I hate trying. Why do we always have to try to get what we want. Even when we keep on trying, we still don’t get what we want. So exhausted from trying.